Its that time of the year when everyone takes a look at the year gone by and tries to assess how they fared. This post is my attempt to assess my journey of motherhood to see how I'm doing as a new mom. The term "new" here has little to do with duration and more to do with the fact that each day I learn something new about parenting. Now that 3 months have passed, I can make a list of all my learnings and accomplishments – much like a quarterly appraisal. Even the ambitious title of this post "Chapter One" is a self goal to motivate me write further chapters. So here's what my parenting quarter feels like...
I guess all moms remember their first "mommy" moment. For some it is seeing the first USG image of their baby. For some it is feeling the baby kick. For some it is seeing the positive result of their test. Mine was when the stubborn 2nd line didnt show up on the stick. Knowing that I wasn't pregnant made me realize how much I wanted a baby. My husband took one look at my face and summed up our thoughts beautifully – "Now we know we're ready". #Mommymoment1.
A woman's instinct is almost a supernatural force. A mother's instinct is...well...the mother of all instincts. My mother's instinct kicked in quite early. I knew the result even before I took the test. And this time when those 2 glorious lines popped up, we both jumped for joy. #Mommymoment2.
Then started the anxiety attacks. Are people staring at my belly? Will I be a good mom? What if my baby doesnt like me? What if I don't know how to soothe him when he cries? The list goes on. Google became my best friend as I dutifully read up on all possible websites what to expect while I'm expecting. Week by week, the big day crept closer. And then one fine Wednesday, he was here. My baby boy – perfect, innocent, loved by all. #Mommymoment3.
Motherhood changes a person completely. You realize that there is this little person who's looking up to you for everything – from food to life lessons. You realize that you have to be the kind of person your child would want to emulate. So a lot of definitions and priorites suddenly change. A poop colour chart becomes a valuable tool while daily cartoon mails take a backseat. You became very aware of noise and can differentiate between normal quiet and baby quiet. Baby quiet is way more difficult to attain than nirvana. Discussing baby bowel movements with friends and family seems like perfectly normal conversation. For a person who loves sleeping in, I can now go from REM sleep to wide awake in 5 seconds. My sense of hearing is now on par with the world's best SONAR systems. I can sense when my kid is breathing too loudly or if he's scratching his nose. My arms have developed increased tensile strength from holding and rocking the baby. Since I'm holding the baby in one hand, I've become agile enough to use all possible limbs (and fingers) while retrieving stuff around the house. Yes, you can call me Batmom.
The first day at home, the first smile, the first finger grip, the first time you hold your child in your arms, the first bath, the first vaccine, the first burp, the first hiccups, the first family photo, the first fever, the first tear, the first time he says maa (or anything close enough). With each milestone, you become more confident and at the same time more anxious about what's in store. With each passing day, I feel like i've learnt a little bit more about this person who was once a part of me and is now the best of me.
