“How old are you?”

The earliest memories of this phrase are of the times when it was said in a sing-song voice by a bunch of tiny tots….wishing another tot (me) a Happy Birthday. It was considered to be a tradition to ask the b’day boy/girl his/her age and there was nothing improper or impolite about it. In fact as we grew up, we would be standing in front of an entire class answering this very question.

But once a girl nears the big ‘20’ age, it’s a question that starts to haunt the minds of every mom/auntie/neighboring auntie/married-with-two-kids cousin. All of a sudden there’s a paranoia that builds up that reminds one of a big sale where you rush to beat the crowds and get the best possible stuff.

If the girl has completed her studies and has no intention of studying further, then it is pretty much a gift-wrapped deal. Let’s herald the pundits, babas, matrimonial services etc. and let’s get this girl married!!!!

If she does however want to study further, all the well-meaning-just-looking-out-for-her-coz-she’s-like-my-daughter aunties will somehow control their Cupid / Om Swaha instincts for another 12-15 months.

Then like a wounded tiger, they’ll lash back with supposedly subtle hints about “other girls” getting married and still continuing their studies. This is most effective when accompanied by horrifying tales of “certain girls they know” who delayed the M-event too much and now those poor tortured souls can’t find anyone big-hearted enough to “accept” them. The poor parents of the girl are simply left with no choice but to convey these concerns to their female off-spring. Those hapless souls might be pretty broad-minded but the M-event can make the most exemplary parents cower with apprehension. A marriageable girl is just like a puri. You mould her, shape her, watch her grow, but after point you are anxious to get her out too.

And heaven help all if a girl ever says “I don’t want to get married. I want to live my life as I want.”…that is when all hell will break loose. Every Ekta Kapoor serial ever watched/discussed will come to the rescue with sentimental dialogues, tactics, and devious-yet-supposedly-well-meaning plots. The girl will either succumb to the drama or will end up being the ill-reputed black sheep of the family. The person everyone talks about in hushed whispers at every family gathering…”Did you hear about her? She says she doesn’t want to get married!!!! Can you believe that??? I’m sure she must have had a love affair gone sour…The poor parents…they’re heart-broken I tell you…”

A simple question that was once a reminder of everything that was fun…b’days, balloons, cakes, friends….now becomes a taunt that grates your nerves every time some sappy sweet voice put forth the four little words…”How old are you?’